Lin on Me

I was showing some pictures in my notebook to Faaris when he pointed to a black girl and said, “She’s ugly cause she’s black.”

I was hurt, angry, shock, sad and worried.

Hurt because my child said something against my principles and values.

Angry at the person who uttered the disgusting words and making my son repeated the same disgusting belief.

Shock because a 3.5 years old could actually point to someone being ugly.

Sad that this is the society that he will grow up and I do want him to stand up for what is right. Standing up AGAINST racism is certainly what I want him to do.

Worried of what the future will be if kids are being taught anything other than white is ugly.

I could teach him all the values that I want him to carry on forever in his life but I can never fully protect him from influences coming from people outside my home.

But, I am glad that it had happened. It allowed me the chance to talk about different races and colours in the world. I thought I wouldn’t have to bring out the book on diversity in cultures, races and religions until he’s at least in his primary school.

I showed to him my grandfather’s picture and how dark he is compared to Faaris. There’s nothing ugly about my Tok Ayah. He’s got beautiful heart and it shows on his face. Regardless of his skin colour or tone, he’s got kids from all over the country returning to visit him for Raya/Eid.

“I’m dark too Faaris. I am darker than you are. Am I ugly?”

“No, mama is Faaris’s mama. Mama comel (cute)”

“If Mama’s cute, then it doesn’t matter what colour I am, right?”

“Yes. Let’s watch Sponge Bob”

The end of conversation. Forgotten from a child’s mind. But, scarred in the mother’s heart.

Love is colour blind.

I was getting Faaris ready to school when I notice my phone was a little foggy. I pressed the buttons and none of it worked anymore. Then, it just auto shutdown by itself. The phone was a little wet.

Me: Faaris, did you by any chance play with my phone just now.
Faaris: Yes, Mama.
Me: Did you drop the phone in the water?
Faaris: No
Me: Faaris, look at Mama. Did you drop the phone into the water. I just need to know. I understand if it’s an accident but did you drop it?
Faaris: No drop.
Me: Faaris, I already lost one phone, I can’t afford losing another one.
Faaris: Faaris tak drop the phone. Faaris masukkan dalam air saja. Faaris nak tengok phone to tenggelam or float. (I didn’t drop the phone. I just put it in the water. I want to see whether it will float or sink.)
Me: FAARIS THE PHONE IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE!!!!!
Faaris: Mama belilah lagi. Phone to tenggelam sekejap, float sekejap. Mama comellah. (Mama can buy again. The phone sinks and floats. Mama’s cute)

I was beyond anger.

I am glad that I worked for a telecommunication company and I don’t have to pay for my phone bills since I have the employee benefit. Anyways, because of that I am able to communicate with Faaris when I am at work at odd hours.

Sometimes, I’d call him and he would request for Mr Bean Theme song and I would play it on Media Player and put the phone next to it. For the next 15 minutes, he gets the entertainment and I actually get to finish my work. Sometimes, it’ll be Barney’s songs. Next on the agenda is to get a 3G phone for home usage so that I can have a video call with him.

Last week, I called him after meeting. I sang to him.

Me : So, Faaris what song do you want to sing me next?
Faaris: Wonderpet
Me: Ok, (proceed to sing half way)
Faaris: Cepatlah mama. nak berak dah ni!!! Faaris nak pergi toilet (Quick mama, I want to poop. I want to go to the toilet)
Me: Well, alright then! Bye!

My good intention flushed down the toilet bowl.

Location: In the office
Time: Dinner
Date: The night before the big launch (we’ve finally launched, yay!)

We were all having our KFC courtesy of Big Boss. All of a sudden, I burst into tears. We’re talking sobbing tears here. I was still chewing on my chicken and laughing at the same time since it was just crazy for me to sob and laugh at the same time.

I walked away and went to the toilet and had a good long cry.

No, I don’t find it weird or a sign of weakness that I cried in front of them. We’ve gone through a lot together. We made a lot of impossible things became reality, grew in our knowledge, and did crazy unthinkable stuff together. It made us closer. It made us real to each other. It helps when my bosses are very demanding in having a high integrity, being dependable and able to adapt to situation quickly. We have tamed our ego, pride and selfishness. Now, it’s all about one for all and all for one. A great team goes a long way. By the way, my immediate boss and co-workers read my blog. Hey y’all!

P.S: I need a long break and so do all of YOUs!

“Let’s go watch the new movie John Hancock, and then later we go eat at Tony Ramos in Philipines.”

“We go eat in Planet Hellywood lah. Eh, you know last night the taxi flirt with me.”

“Last time I am so scary because I didn’t know end-to-end. But now, I’m not scared anymore.”

This conversation took place today with 3 overworked, overstressed, over whatever co-workers.